Monday, July 5, 2010

Scaredy Cat

A while back I heard a radio sermon on the way to Walmart that somehow gave me a brief glimpse of life without fear. I tried to jot down what the man said that gave me the respite but could not capture it well enough that fear did not take it's un-rightful spot in my heart a day later.

I am a BIG coward.

Always have been.

I'm afraid to talk to people. I'm even afraid to be seen in public sometimes. I'm afraid I'll lose my job. I'm afraid I'll get a chronic, debilitating illness...or die. I'm afraid my wife or child will die. I'm afraid of this and that and the other.

I know that much of that stems from me father's own fears. He too was a big coward. I also know that some of it stems from my lack of self-confidence.

But the bulk is from the enemy. I believe that somehow I gave him permission to have his way with my "fear centers" and he has been having his way ever since.

I believe that most men, if they were really honest, would agree that they, too are afraid.

Some give in to it and play life safe.

Some run away from it and drink, drug, or sex their way into permanent denial.

A few face it head on and it pushes them to great heights.

I want to banish it.

I always thought that winning about $5 mill. would do it. No more fear of money problems.

Then I figured I would also need full genetic testing to ensure I don't have any major deadly ailments on the horizon.

Then I figured I could wrap my wife and child in bubble wrap, lock them in a safe-room and ...

You get the picture.

I think God is leading me to the truth over time though, banishing fear means taking away the main weapon the enemy uses to tweak it...


(It says..."I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.")

(Good one huh Ken?)

Not me personally as in getting rid of myself but ME! philosophically. My own inflated self-importance.

You see. I'm really, really important. I don't know if you readers realize how incredibly valuable and important I am. In fact, I don't think I could live without me. I'm so important that, if I suffer, the world is over. If I lose my bank account, everything would crumble.

Of course you realize what I mean: I believe that the moment I REALLY grasp and accept that the world, life, is not about ME!, then the enemy loses his power to make me afraid of losing me...or mine.

620,000 people died in the American civil war.

51,000 men died in the Battle of Gettysburg.

Did they believe life was all about them?

Most probably did. It's hard to be small and insignificant.

But we are. For all my illusions of importance, for all my illusions of what I deserve from my life....I am a speck on a flea on a small dog in a world full of a billion other dogs. (Not sure that was the scale I was going for but...)

You know what's absolutely insane though?

God disagrees.

29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:29-31)

Oh yeah, and He allowed His son to die in our place so that we can not only be free from the Law of guilt and death, but so that we could be with Him forever...I guess that's kind of like winning the lottery.

Another weapon for this warrior. When my mind whispers and attempts to terrify: I must remember:

Being important in the world is fleeting and an illusion. The truth is my importance in God's eyes. He knows my name, the number of hairs on my head, His plan for the effect my life is to have on others, and most importantly, my address in Heaven. not afraid.

Next time: Can Christain's go on the offensive, or are are we in a strictly defensive posture until the end?

1 comment:

  1. You are, as always, as perplexing to me as you are brilliant and gifted. No wonder you aren't a minister though, and I can't blame you...I get freaked when a group rises beyond the number 8. By then I basically just shut up and look for an exit.

    Oh and the Kirk pic.

    And to anyone else who reads this blog and comments, he's also afraid to call me on the phone. :P