Flushed

Funny story.

A long, long time ago I began to "fix" our bathroom. I'm not so good at that...so finally, call it a Valentine's gift, I called a plumber. He is a great guy and worked while we weren't home to get our pipes repaired. He thought he might be able to do it without having to cut through the wall behind the toilet...I wondered and hoped that he could.

First clue that he had to get back there...we arrived home and found our bathroom toilet (green toilet mind you) in the front yard. Ok, after trying to lift it, I understood why he had not carried it all the way to the back yard.

Still, that evening, under cover of darkness, out I went to quickly drag the really heavy old style toilet around to the back. I even turned off the lights in the front to avoid being spotted. Well, of course, right as I got to the middle of the front driveway...along came not one, but two slow moving cars. I would have loved to be one of the drivers seeing a guy dragging a toilet from his front to his backyard, at night, in a robe and slippers.

Oh yeah.

Found This Great Story...

Found this on a blog I recently began following: http://ronjoewhite.blogspot.com/. I really enjoyed it and thought you might too.

A man’s daughter had asked the local pastor to come and pray with her father. When the pastor arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows and an empty chair beside his bed. The pastor assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit.....

“I guess you were expecting me,” he said.

“No, who are you?”

“I’m the new associate at your local church,” the pastor replied.“When I saw the empty chair, I figured you knew I was going to show up.”

“Oh yeah, the chair,” said the bedridden man. “Would you mind closing the door?”

Puzzled, the pastor shut the door.

“I’ve never told anyone this, not even my daughter,” said the man.“But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk aboutprayer, but it always went right over my head. I abandoned any attempt at prayer,” the old man continued, “until one day about four years ago my best friend said to me, ‘Joe, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus. Here’s what I suggest. Sit down on a chair, place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It’s not spooky because he promised, ‘I’ll be with you always.’ Then just speak to him and listen in the same way you’re doing with me right now.”“So, I tried it and I’ve liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I’m careful, though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she’d either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm.”

The pastor was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old guy to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, and returned to the church.

Two nights later the daughter called to tell the pastor that her daddy had died that afternoon.

“Did he seem to die in peace?” he asked.

“Yes, when I left the house around two o’clock, he called me over to his bedside, told me one of his corny jokes, and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there was something strange, In fact, beyond strange-kinda weird. Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on a chair beside the bed.”

Unknown Author

Lonely Assumptions

This is a follow up to "Little Turd" you can read below. While I don't know what has, or is happening today at school, I know that, after a phone call and an email, the educators at my daughter's wonderful school have taken aggressive action to deal with the situation last Friday.

Color me embarrassed. Here I was blaming God, society, myself, parents, little kids, when all the while, this moved as if it was according to plan. What if:

I had not been there to hear it. My daughter would never have even thought to say anything and it is possible it would have continued and even become worse.

But that is not what happened. I was there, at the right time, in the right place, having built recognition in the boy enough that he was not on guard in his comments (I eat lunch with Dora 3 out of 4 Fridays a month.)

While I would like for God to FIX things before they happen, we know that is not the way He seems to move (as far as we know....when fixing something before it happens, it never happens and thus, we never know it was "fixed." This way of intervention made good sense. Bad things were happening, put a "good force" in place to make a change. ("Good force" is in quotes to avoid giving the illusion that I believe that "I" am the good force. I just pray. (As I pointed out to Delma, with maybe a handful of exceptions, we have prayed with/for Dora Diane out loud and together every day for 9 years and 7 months (we started when we found out Delma was pregnant). That's...hold on while I calculate: 7000 prayers (Mine plus Delma's). Add hers in and you have 10500 offered up in agreement as a family over the past almost 10 years. (Not counting when she is sick, or in the morning, etc...)) My wife is positive that, while prayer is not necessarily going to prevent hardship...that it does affect outcomes. I want to agree...I need to agree...but my faith is burdened with doubt. Not all the time. But after events like this...

I ranted Friday night while we were fretting: "We've prayed every day for her since birth and STILL this happens." I went on to spiral down to where I was doubting His existence, bla, bla, bla. (I would have been one of Job's friends...never could I have mustered the faith of the man himself.) Why I was surprised I don't know...We are told that we live IN the world but are not to be OF this world. We have been kidnapped and placed in this false, scary place run by Freddy Kruger and Jason. Sometimes Jason gets his hits in on all of us. But somehow, God is able to overcome. God moves in and out among us, and acts THROUGH us to bring about His plan (which for some reason is not the same as MY plan....though my pea-brain thinks mine could be pretty good if we could just give it a chance...oh wait, that's already happened....yeah, that was a mess.)

Anyway, anyway. I jumped to several conclusions last Friday:

1) God is unable to deal with this, didn't catch it, doesn't care, or doesn't exist.

2) I am alone and thus, on my own to deal with these things.

Both of those strike me as pathetic under-estimations of my fellow man and woman, and of a perfect God.

What I learned so far:

1) God is not only able to work out His perfect plan despite what the world presents or how the world adulterates it...but that He IS working out His perfect plan RIGHT NOW; all around me, and in me. Perhaps He would say: "Just open your eyes Richard, whenever you are ready to plug in to the work I am doing, I'll be ready to use you."

2) I am NOT alone. I am NOT the ONLY one who feels the way I feel about injustice. There are many fellow warriors placed around me who are ready, willing, and able to fight with me. I hope they know the same about me....

To the warriors out there:

Thank you for being willing to be a tool. How do you know when it is happening? I seem to just see it on the other side and realize, "Ohhhh, I was being used as a pair of pliers there...how ingenious."

So, Dora is ok, her friend is ok, the little boys concerned are learning valuable lessons, and who knows how that can develop for them catching it now, rather than later... I guess that makes us just that much more ready to face the next battle....it should be coming along any minute now.

Will I be able to use these eyes should it be intractable illness, horrible accident, loss, etc.....

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10

Little Turd

Ok.

I don't like to offend ANYONE...But I am really ticked. I ate lunch with my daughter today at her school and sat there quietly listening to the conversation in the group in which we sat. Two girls, two boys, and me. The conversation started out as usual 3rd grade chatter about this or that. One of the boys wanted to be president and he shared who could serve with him. There was the border work (childish flirting) about who would marry who.

And then it turned ugly. The boys both pointed at the most popular girl in third grade and ridiculed her innocent actions from afar. ("Crap," I thought to myself, "My daughter is sitting with the geeks who can't do anything but make fun of popular people.")

Then the little boy I will affectionately call "TURD" said to me: "Mr. Hickam, Mr. Hickam (chuckle, chuckle) guess what (so and so) told (so and so...the girl sitting with my daughter)." Then he turns to the other boy and says, "Tell him, tell him about the bed."

Mayday, mayday, I think to myself and take a very keen interest in my daughters food.

The other boy is smart enough, or has boundary's enough to be embarrassed. But, of course, as turds do, his friend continued..."He was going to do it to her."

I was very obviously ignoring him at this point and he was no longer speaking to me. My daughter, who hardly said a word the whole time played oblivious to the entire exchange. I could have called attention to it by playing parent...but imagined the ridicule this would bring upon my daughter in the future. After all, these are the geeks apparently, who like to make fun of everything. So I just talked to little one about her day, and the weekend...and started composing what I will say to her about what she is facing in school.

I guess it is a gift that I was privy to this. I need to know what she is being sucked into due to the relationships she is forming, or are being formed around her.

I'm ticked though. I've always thought it sucks that we spend so much time tearing others down...but I've always understood that you don't talk to girls like that. You talk with your guy friends about that stuff all the time....but never in front of girls.

So who is the Little Turd's father? Does he know how badly he is failing....and how one man's failure ripples outward and impacts other innocents.

Crap. What can I possibly do but pull her out of the whole school. I can't tell her who she can and can't sit with...she will be forced by peer pressure to disobey and thus begin the process of hiding things from her parents because we burden her with impossible demands.

"Get away from my child you Turd!" Maybe I should have said something. Yeah, I think I should have said something...Crap. I guess I'm the Turd too.

God give me the words to speak so that she will hear the truth....(but I would also appreciate it if you could help her find some good people to be friends with).

How do I start...

After not blogging for so long, I figure the best way to get back into the swing is to just...start.

Christmas was wonderful at our house. At 9, I believe this was probably one of Dora Diane's very last years believeing in Santa. She loves the mystery and excitement of Christmas. That is one thing Mom always did for us...made Christmas amazing. Dad gets credit there as well.

On Christmas morning, Dora got up first and went down the dark hall into the "dark" living room to see if Santa had come. Delma and I had been laying awake for about 45 minutes just waiting for her to wake up...we didn't want to ruin it for her. She ran out and then RAN back to the safety of our bedroom to announce, then ran back....you know, most of you have seen similar joy. I wish we could bottle it up when we are young and then take it in doses as we age.

Another source of joy for our family were the 3, count them THREE separate days of snow. We so love snow in our house. Dora and I spent hours each day gathering, building, and throwing snowballs. We prided ourselves in being the only house on the block which used up our entire yard of snow each day.

School is back in session. I have been very nervous for the past two weeks. So much so I even let the thought of medication pass my mind. Just a tiny little bit to cut the edge off.... Unfortunately, I don't think I will persue it. My anxiety over standing in front of a classroom full of people is minor and is something that I can treat behaviorally. It has a purpose...the more I prepare, the less anxious I feel (go figure!). The pill would be easy for me....but I don't think it would make me a better teacher. So I'm not Steve Martin up there....maybe I can at least share some interesting and important information.

Delma and I picked up an amazing book after stumbling across it during a Sunday school lesson. It is called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerich. All I can say is, if you are married and find yourself arguing with your mate about the same old things...or even new things, please read this book...at least pick it up when you see it in the store and read the first chapter. I really think this guy has finally put the truth into simple enough language for me to get. Good stuff.

Dora Diane continues to teach me about life and myself every day. I wish I could convey all of it here, if for nothing else but for her to know as she grows older.

When you read this someday booger...I was just kidding about Santa! Keep your stocking.

The Tongue, To Hold Or Not To Hold (Part 1)

I thought I would share some of what I have been learning as I prepare for the college class on Sundays...So, last weeks lesson:

Ahhh, the tongue. A wonderful muscle (centimeter for centimeter, the most powerful muscle in the human body): It moves food, tastes it, detects texture, makes funny popping sounds, helps us whistle, rolls, folds, sticks out, touches noses, licks lips, sticks to frozen things, etc... But have you ever considered what trouble our tongues get us into?

From tongue tied, to tongue lashing; tip-of-the-tongue to the cat getting it, it has it's problems. For example, James says:

And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. James 3:6

That's a bit harsh...but James was, after all Jesus' half-brother and witnessed first hand the harm unbridled speech could cause. So, he points out, not only is the tongue a source of spreading destruction (consider the "rumor mill") but also, "set apart among the members of our body" as "that which defiles the entire body." Defile is such a harsh word. I found a couple of things when I looked it up:

1) Defile, as you might expect means to make dirty or unclean. Ok...that makes plenty of sense, I can say some pretty nasty things, and I recall going through my Junior High cussing phase when I punctuated everything with four letter words. I felt pretty nasty...and I wanted to be back then, nasty was "cool." I found something else though:

2) Defile also means, "To violate the chastity of" and "To desecrate." It strikes me that James might just be using a clever play on thoughts there. On the one hand, we Christians are to be "set apart"(consecrated) from the world. And on the other, the tongue is "set apart" from the other members of our body as the portion which can soil a consecrated being.

So, I think to myself, what is it that I say that could be so bad? Well...I won't repeat those things here (this a family blog)...but I wouldn't say them in front of my daughter. And I guess that makes me pretty special doesn't it?

Yeah, right. As I thought about this last week and this, I realized that maybe letting a four letter word slip out in front of her might be better than some of the trash she listens to me spew. I really try, but James is not talking about curse words...that's just first line stuff. He seems to me to be talking about those things which keep my eyes and mind, and the eye's and mind's of those listening to me focused on the "world." The problems, the "dirt" on that guy, the ridiculous decisions being made by the U.S. Gov. right now (do I have to tame my fingers too?), and how come we can't have this or that...?

But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and filled with deadly poison. (But didn't you just say we should tame our tongue...why try if it can't be done?) With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God. (Oh) (James 3:8, 9)

Say what you want to say about me...but say what you might say about my daughter....made in the image of ME...and you can take it up with me.

As James says: "My brethren, these things ought not to be this way!"

So, let's recap:

1) My tongue not only defiles me, but it destroys others, whether with fire or deadly poison.

2) I can't tame it.

3) It makes me worse than a hypocrite, praising God but cursing His creations...which is the same as cursing Him.

"Oh wretched man that I am, who will save me from this body of death?" Romans 7:24

"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1,2

Yes! (Fist pump)

I found something really practical to help me try to do my (small) part in taming my tongue. I learned a long time ago to pray for a watch guard to be set over my lips. ("Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalms 141:3)

I found this great suggestion...if one guard is good...why not four! My challenge to myself this week is this, to consciously work to tame my tongue by checking what I say against these four criteria:

Watch 1) Is what I am about to say the truth?

Watch 2) Is what I am about to say being said in love...is it loving (and all that comes with loving others)?

Watch 3) Does it need to be said, is it necessary (or am I just saying something because I think it is time to talk)?

Watch 4) Is what I am about to say wise with heavenly versus earthly wisdom?

I can't tell you how many times I have kept my big mouth shut over the past three days!

But! Are Christians just supposed to shut up, sit down, and stay quiet? No, I don't think so. We are set apart for a purpose, our members tools for the Master, and our tongues the most powerful of those tools...

Part 2...coming soon.

My New Teaching Job

Five years ago I was granted the opportunity to teach psychology at our local Junior College. I was, and still am thrilled at the incredible opportunity. The chance to affect young lives is an awesome responsibility which I take very seriously.

Five weeks ago, I was granted the opportunity to teach the college class Sunday School at our local First Baptist Church. Seems like a logical choice...college teacher by week, Sunday school college teacher by weekend. Guy knows how to present a message to a group...etc...

I have prepared two lessons so far. The first took me 7 hours, the second took me 8 (and I was wrong about teaching that week anyway so I never got to deliver it). It is REALLY hard! I wish I had a Master's in theology versus a Master's in Psychology.

Doling out man's wisdom is easy compared to comprehending some of the mysteries of God...and getting it wrong...well, that would be bad.

It doesn't help that the topic for last week was James 2 (Wherein he seems to contradict Paul's contention that we are saved by faith and not by works.) Even bible scholars have shied away from that one.

It gets better though, next Sunday, when I am (for sure) teaching, I get to deal with James 1. This is where James (probably the half-brother of Jesus) says that we are blessed when we face trials and hardships.

GREAT! If I were a religious man, and I am, I would say there is a conspicuous irony in ME being the one to present these passages with insightful commentary. I worry that I might see this a bit differently than some in the Baptist church.

One preacher whom I respect a great deal once told me he believed that trials and test come directly from God in order to test us, to temper us (like steel). I don't like that answer. C.S. Lewis is quoted, erroneously I might add, in the movie Shadowlands as saying that hardships on us are like "blows of the Master's hammer upon our souls, which hurt us so much at the time, but make us perfect." My thought there is..."ummm, couldn't we just skip the blows of the hammer and start out perfect please."

Anyway, the movie progresses to the point where he is challenged in his earlier views to see such trials as coming from God. Indeed, James himself says that we aren't to consider temptation as coming from God because God can't do anything evil.

It's all very confusing without a real grasp of things like .... GREEK!

Yes. Quite ironic. Anyway, fortunately for me, my church membership, and my sanity, I own a really good bible commentary...and there is one for free on the Internet which sells in stores for several hundred dollars.

That's why it takes me so long. Understanding, much more teaching the Word of God involves understanding Who it is all about, and the fact the He is a much more capable people builder than I.

So once again, I am reminded that, IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!!!!!

(rats.)